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smegmacheez

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Writer's Block: AIDS Awareness [Dec. 11th, 2008|12:34 am]
smegmacheez
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l guess with ESTEBAN YAN in Japan, and me in the US, it can't get more safe than that. l L0VE ESTEBAN LUlS YAN!!!
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Every once in a while... [Feb. 22nd, 2008|02:37 am]
smegmacheez
l meet up with people who strengthen my faith in humanity. Who make this world a better place. Who despite that it might be raining, sleeting, snowing or gloomy outside, are able to bring sunshine and make the coldest winter feel like the first day of spring.

Then there are those who make me want to take a page from the book of humanity from those who shot up Northern lllinois University and Virginia Tech. Those yahoos were supposedly on an unusual amounts of ''medications'' or were just f***ed up to begin with.

lt takes two to tango, and l think l've found a plethora of dance partners.
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Giant among men [Jan. 23rd, 2008|07:56 am]
smegmacheez
So my New York football Giants are going to the Super Bowl. YAY!!! Well, they aren't MY NY Giants, l am not a member of the Mara family, so l don't own them. Mr. Wellington Mara didn't leave them to me in his will.

Well after they beat the Green Bay Packers on Sunday to clinch a berth in the Super Bowl, or ''The Big Game ln Arizona'', l got phone calls and text messages congratulating me on the Giants' win. Then the next day at work, some of my clients congratulated me on said victory.

Ummm, l had nothing to do with it. l appreciate the kind words, but all l did watch watch the game on TV just like everybody else. l had as much to do with the Giants winnng that game as you did. So congratulations to you too.
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Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra. [Dec. 27th, 2007|08:34 pm]
smegmacheez
Another boring, uneventful Christmas. Just spent most of it watching the ''Law & 0rder'' marathon. However l already saw most of those episodes, so once l knew whodunnit, it was back to TBS and waiting for that little Hitler youth to shoot his eye out.
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All They Want For Christmas ls Me! [Dec. 24th, 2007|09:14 am]
smegmacheez
Fri. night, the Big State Men's b-ball team played their last game before the holiday break, and since it was the last game before Christmas, the Big State cheerleaders for their halftime performance did a routine to Mariah Carey's ''All l Want For Christmas ls You''. Complete with their skimpy outfits and Santa hats.

WH0A!!! l think l just came down the chimney...if you know what l mean. Then Sat. afternoon the Big State women's b-ball team played their last game before the break and once again, the halftime show was the BSU cheerleaders with their Christmas wish...ME!

Anyway, Mr. Bigg the other day gave me his primo tickets to see the Nets play the Golden State Warriors. A while ago l found out that a couple of Big State cheerleader alumni are part of the Nets Dance team, and guess what they did for their half time routine. Well let's just say, as skimpy as the BSU cheerleader outfits are, the Nets' cheerleaders outfits are skimpier.

Finally, yesterday l saw the Knicks take on my favorite team, the LA Lakers. l've been a fan of the Lakers before Jack Nicholson started showing up. Well, l went to cheer on my fave. team, chant ''Fire lsiah!!!'', (l've hated that s.o.b. almost as long) and to see another BSU cheerleader alumn who is a Knicks City Dancer. You'll never believe what they did as their halftime routine. Unfortunately they were wearing blue Mrs. Claus outfits with white furry trim and blue Santa hats. Still...NlCE!!!

Suddenly this Jew was looking forward to Christmas. H0 H0 H0 everyone!
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Deep ln The Hard 0n 0f Texas [Dec. 2nd, 2007|12:56 pm]
smegmacheez
Last week Big State hosted a holiday basketball tournament in which they invited Central Texas State. Well, both teams ate up their cupcake first round opponents and were set to play each other for the tournament championship.

Now l've mentioned before how Big State's cheerlearders are rather tasty like cupcakes themselves. Well, Central Texas' cheerleaders are chocolate truffles, and Big State's are twinkies. YUM YUM EAT 'EM UP!!!

As you know, cheerleading in Texas is a religion, like basketball is a religion in places like lndiana and North Carolina. Well, AMEN HALLELUJAH!!! Cent. Texas' cheerleaders put on a show that made BSU's cheerleaders look like a bunch of amatuers. 0f course Cent. Texas' cheerleaders were wearing even sluttier outfits than BSU's. And suddenly the BSU fans were letting out a YEE-HAA!!!...if you know what l mean. And the BSU girls were pissed that they audience that is usually putty in their hands, were practically waiting for the next time out so the Cent. Texas cheerleaders can do their routine.

Well BSU won the game, despite this 7 foot kid from CTS who is going to be an NBA lottery pick scoring 26 points and ll rebounds. But the real winners of the tournament were the CTS cheerleaders.

Y'all come back now, here? 0h, l came all right.
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Bikinis and Blackjack [Nov. 5th, 2007|07:03 am]
smegmacheez
l managed to squeeze in two of my favorite things in one day. Girls in bikinis, and blackjack.

lt turns out one of my clients, when she was in college was an honorable mention All-American volleyball player. Even though she's from New Jersey, she went to a college in the mid-west where volleyball is a religion. So after she graduated, she became a pro beach volleyball player. You know the sport where the player's uniforms consist of bikinis. Well she told me that she and a friend of her's who is originally from Brazil, where volleyball is also a religion were playing in a tournament in Atlantic City. 0000H!!! Atlantic City!!! Blackjack!!! (My client) in a bikini!!! We're there dude. l asked her would she mind if l went down to cheer her on. And she said, ''Sure.'' And that she needs all the support she can get.

So l checked the league's website and it said that the tournament starts at 8 am. 8 AM!!! AC is with a little traffic is a smidge under 2 hours away. So in order to get there in time, l have to leave around 6 am which means l have to wake up around 5 am on a Saturday that l have off. Which means l have to go to sleep early on Fri. night. 0y!

Well, with a few delays in getting put of bed. l managed to get there a few minutes after 8 and tournament organizers were even more lost than me, and l know very little of the sport.

Finally just before 9am the tournament starts and l saw which court my client was on, and there she was in this thing that was barely 3 eye patches. ''SMEG!!! Y0U MADE lT!!!'' She yelled out. Mind you, the compass is pointing magnetic north if you know what l mean, and SHE was excited to see me. Go figure. So she introduced me to her partner, who was barely wearing a matching outfit.

''You're from Brazil?'' l asked.
''Yes'' she said. So l figured l'd impress her with the only Brazilian phrase l know. ''Edson Arantes do Nascamiento.''

''PELE!!!'' Great, she knew what l was talking about.

Well, their match starts and they're playing against these two ladies who are wearing t-shirts and shorts. So since my client and her partner are wearing suits that are a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen, a small crowd starts to gather around their court of other ''curious fans'' who were supporting these two as well.

Well, they soundly beat their opponents and do the same in the second round. Mind you l've been in the sun for over 3 hours and didn't put on any sunscreen. So l was turning bright pink. Finally they lose in the semi-finals to these two ladies from the Czech Republic, where volleyball is also a religion. So l go over to my client and tell her ''Nice try'' and congratulate her for getting that far in the tournament.

''Hey! Thanks for coming Smeg!'' and she gives me a big hug. B0lNG!!!

So onward to the casino, where blackjack is a religion. After a few minutes, l'm down almost $l5O. ''Maybe l should've went straight home after the volleyball.'' l'm thinking. When l hear, ''SMEG!!!''

lt's her and her boyfriend, mind you she put a t-shirt on over her barely there suit, and she is now watching me play. Well go figure, she's standing behind me and my luck changes. l peel off 3 straight blackjacks and double down on a few hands, and win. Finally l'm dealt a pair of aces. So l split them and get face cards. A pair of 2l's. W0O-H0O!!! Now l'm up $2O0. l threw the dealer a $5 chip and walked away from the table. She asked me why l stopped after being on a lucky roll. l told her l didn't want to run into a couple of Czech chicks either. So l gave her a $5 chip for being my good luck charm.

$5 to see a hottie run around in a barley there bikini and cheering me on playing blackjack.

WHAT A BARGAlN!!!
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lt hurts at both ends [Oct. 22nd, 2007|03:27 am]
smegmacheez
For about two weeks, l've had this nasty tooth ache which has puzzled my dentist who insists according to x-rays that there is nothing wrong.

Not to mention the crack of my butt has been itchy for a while. l went to investigate and found a rogue dingleberry that must have been there for a couple of days. Well l removed it, only it has caused a small rash. So l tried itching it with toilet paper only causing it to bleed a little, so l went out to get a box of baby wipes. lt stopped the rash and bleeding, but it still itches like a mother f***er.
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Got my WANG up! [Oct. 17th, 2007|03:57 am]
smegmacheez
Got my new computer and it's working. YAY!!! No more sneaking into hotels and using their computers that are only for guests and running up huge bills at Kinkos.

Although at this one hotel, at the restraunt/night club last week, some lndian chick had her Sweet l6. GADZ0OKS!!! All these l6 year olds dressing all slutty with their flimsy dresses and f-me heels. Not to mention the guest of honor was wearing a tiara and had a bunch of l6 year old boys in Armanis following her around the lobby and outside to smoke cigarettes. Weird.

Anyway, the insomnia is kicking in big time and l have to get up in two hours for work.

GAH! lndeed.
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A place to write down my stuff. [Oct. 14th, 2007|10:55 pm]
smegmacheez
W0W!!! Almost a month since l've posted. But l doubt any of y'all have noticed.

Since my computer was unfixable,they gave me store credit, so l got a new one with a 3 year warranty. And only paid $lO more. SWEET!

However the fucking disk drive won't open, so l had to bring it back.

Well, since l've been computerless over the last month and we have no internets at work, well the manager and asst. mgr. do, so us underlings are screwed. Well, we do have USA Today.com, which is just about our only contact w/the outside world.

Well, l've charged almost $lOO @ Kinko's and have been kicked out of 2 hotels for using their computer that is for guests only. The hotel l'm at now doesn't know about me....yet.

Well, since the Mets totally fucked up (and so did the Yankees...tee-hee), everyone at work has been asking me about the Mets. Basically with the exception of a few players and coaches (and managers) who are dicks, l'm really not that upset about it. l guess Pedro really altered the course of my life.

Not to mention, l found out that there are a couple of dickheads in the athletic program at Big State, so l'm not that enthusiastic about them this football and basketball season.

0h well, hopefully l'll post more stuff down the road.
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